Adspeak: We’re All Guilty
As I was reading the Small Agency Diaries, I came across this contest entry that I found amusing. It was written by Steve LaMonica, Senior VP of Berber Silverstein Group in Miami. His topic was “Can the Corporate Speak.” Enjoy.
Subject: I’m glad you extended the contest as I was out of pocket.
I wanted to helicopter up with my embarrassment of riches hoping this will move the needle and give you the most bang for your buck. To capture the mindshare of your demo and be your true marketing partner with an intrusive, breakthrough full court press, we should cherry pick the low-hanging fruit.
We’ll do the heavy lifting up front because this will only be news once. First we’ll drill down to your year-over-year objectives and focus on the aspirationally chic D.I.N.K.S. The RFP/RFI/RFQ/ ITN isn’t a problem, it’s an opportunity to make dollars work harder because it’s an investment, not an expense.
Our response will be ownable, accountable, have a long shelf life with value added and the nuts and bolts will change the landscape and level the playing field. Down the road we’ll push the envelope with award winning non traditional guerilla media, page stealers, and a liberal use of white space. The push will be a front-loaded, server crashing effort with depth and breadth to saturate to the point where viral word of mouth will work even when you’re not on the air.
We’ll burn midnight oil to change the mindset, up the conversion rate. We’ll do lunch and your money’s no good near me.